Sunday, August 31, 2014

Just One More Day


I had a dream they were babies again,
my three grown kids, now self-sustained.

In my dream I was still their whole world.
My hugs and affection all ails would cure.

I held them close and caressed their faces
while tiny hands wrapped 'round me in soft embraces.

So small, so young, so innocent;
I breathed in deep, their sweet baby scent.

My soul felt light as I lay there dreaming
of me and my babies, before Time's scheming.

From my blissful trance I didn't want to awake
but sleep's veil fell away; my joy dawn did take.

"Just one more day," were the words that slipped from my lips
as wistful tears fell while I lay there transfixed.

Just one more day, please, to stroke their soft hair
and snuggle with them in our old rocking chair.

Just one more day when my kiss and soft words
could soothe all their fears and pain from this world.

Just one more day to say silly things
like "Don't eat bugs" and "No, you won't grow wings,"
instead of more grown-up expressions
like "Why do drugs?" and "I can't fix your depression."

Just one more day of playing dress up with hats,
swinging at the park, and watching Rugrats.

Just one more day of snug bedtime stories
before the dark nights fill their heads with life's worries.

Memories are fickle and time is swift,
so one more day as babes is what I wished.

But time doesn't go back, it cruelly goes onward.
So I got out of bed, my nostalgia ignored.

Now every time on my bed I lay
I pray my dreams bring me, just one more day.


**Can you tell it's past time to refill my hormone cream?

Wistfully Yours,
Lori

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Long Weekend Friday Frags are the Best Kind of All!

What's better than Friday? A Friday before a holiday weekend, of course!

This week's frags are all about loafing husbands and comics that exploit them, auto-correct involving the word "dick",  and menopause.

Did I have you at "loafer?"

How about "dick?"

"Menopause?"

No? Then take your grumpy self on over to someone else's blog.

No, don't. Please stay. Did I mention I'm menopausal? Mood swings, you know.

First, a happy dance to celebrate the long weekend:


Then a sample of what my happy dance actually looks like:


No, I mean it - I have no rhythm whatsoever. It's scary really.

Enough with the intros and confessions, let's move on to the frags.

Frag #1
Before menopause, my husband was always hot and I was always cold. Every room we'd sit in, he would turn on the fan, and I'd bitch and moan about how cold it was and move away to some corner where the fan didn't hit me and give him the stink-eye like this:


My how the tables have turned. We had this conversation the other day while we were watching TV:

Me (getting up to turn on the fan): Aren't you glad I'm in menopause?
Him: It's the gift that keeps on giving.
Me: In more ways than one.

Frag #2:
Don't you love auto-correct? We have a customer at work, a business, called Dick W___. I can't say the business name, but why in the world would you have "Dick" in the name of your business? That's a topic for a whole 'nother frag, right there.

Anyway, I texted one of our managers, that I was mailing the check to Dick W___ and auto-correct changed the last name to Woe. Dick Woe. dick woe. 

I busted up laughing at that one. I'm so glad I can amuse myself at work. I sent a follow up text that said "According to the commercials, there's a pill for that."

By the way, have you noticed how the Cialis and Viagra and other drug commercials don't call the dick woe disorder (I don't want to spell it here because god knows what search terms will bring people to this blog if I do) by it's name anymore, they just call it ED? I think they should just call it dick woe. DW. Yup. Putting that one in the suggestion box.

Frag #3
I've mentioned before how my sister is like Amelia Bedelia. She can do about anything, including fixing her own sprinklers when they break. I, on the other hand, nag and whine and menace wait patiently for months for my hubby to fix our drippers and sprinklers in our yard. And we have a big yard and dogs, so there are always broken drippers and sprinklers needing repair. I finally got tired of waiting and asked my sis to show me how to do it my dang self.

So we turned on the sprinklers and walked around the yard looking for spraying water and leaks and made a list of what we needed from Home Depot to make the repairs. One particularly bad gusher was right next to the chair where hubby sits and plays Bad Piggies. He had put a rock over the broken line so it wouldn't interfere with his piggie tossing. And so I wouldn't see it.

But of course, we found it and moved the rock, knowing we were going to repair it the next day.

This all happened unbeknownst to loafing, piggie playing hubby. Here's a comic to demonstrate what happened:






I need to install a video camera to catch moments like these. I really do.

Scary, un-rhythmic, menopausal me, signing off.
(Oh, yeah, I'm a keeper)

Want to join in and post your own bits and pieces from the week? Link up at Half-Past 'Kissin Time and do share!

Half-Past Kissin' Time

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Friday Frags of Bad Piggies and Hubbys

I'm-a soooo glad it's Friday!

Half-Past Kissin' Time

Frag #1
It's cracking me up, all the blog and facebook posts that basically say:
"Hallelujah and break out the wine, the kids are freakin' finally back in school!" 
One blogger (The Shitastrophy) said all the photos of smiling kids with their new school clothes and backpacks on are cute and all, but what she really wanted to see was the pictures of the exhausted, haggard, happy moms who finally get a little peace during the day. Here's what that would look like:


That about sums it up, yes?

Frag #2
I'm happy to say that my hubby could never get away with cheating on me. Nevermind that he would never do that because I'm...well, fabulous, like this guy:


But more importantly, he just plain couldn't cover his tracks. No way in hell. He sends texts meant for my sister, to me; instant messages meant for workmates to me; and butt dials me while doing things like screaming along to Judas Priest in his car.

The latest self-incriminating blunder is that his phone will arbitrarily decide it needs to make an emergency SOS text to me. This text includes a photo of hubby, a link to his location, and a message that says "SOS! I need help!" Seriously, it does.

So like I'll text hubby at work and ask if he's coming home on time. He'll text back that yeah, he's finishing up some work and he'll be out of there in a few minutes. 

An hour later I'll get the SOS message and picture. And what does the picture show him doing? 

Playing Bad Piggies on his phone! 

BUSTED!!


Ok, it didn't actually show the Bad Piggies, but it does show his game face, looking down at his phone, brows furrowed in concentration, and tongue sticking out of the side of his mouth. I know his Bad Piggie playing face when I see it.

Come to find out, it's an Android thing. If you press the on/off button twice (quickly), the phone sends this SOS message to someone in your contact list. Not sure how it decides which contact. God knows who else he's sending these to as he's wildly pressing away at his phone, flinging those damn piggies. Anyway the point is, if he's cheating, I'll eventually get a picture of him in action and his location so I can go over and kick his Bad Piggie Arse.

Good to know.

Frag #3
Last Friday night after work while I was in the wine aisle of the grocery store, picking up my big-ass regular size bottle of Friday night wine, I actually said, "Come to Mama," to myself. 

Too much sharing?

Frag #4
Here's a comic I made a while back:



I totally feel like an annoying little hyper kid right now, bouncing all over the place.

Frag #5
You know those cute outfits you see on Pinterest like this:
Do you know how they put these together? Polyvore.com! It's like a virtual closet with an unlimited budget. They have an app for iphone and Android so you can put together outfits on your phone or tablet. You can get all artsy with backgrounds and faces and effects. It's another fun creative outlet I've been dabbling in lately. They have home decor stuff too, so you can put together rooms. Here's a couple more designs:


Cute right? And it's free!
(Note: These aren't my designs. Mine are much more amateurish)

Frag #6
I finally wrote my Sisters Camping Trip post about the Zion trip I took with my sister last year. Last year. I know. I'm such a loser. But you might find the Pee Can stories funny.

Ok, I'm done bouncing around now. If you haven't done a Friday Fragments post ever, write you one and bounce on over to Half Past Kissin' Time and link up!

Fabulously yours,
Lori

P.S. Thanks to AiringMyDirtyLaundry.com where I was introduced to the hilariousness of animated GIFs. She wrote this super funny post where she used GIFs that made it even super funnier. I had to try it out.

Sunday, August 17, 2014

That Time I Went on a Sister's Camping Trip and didn't Blog About it Until a Year Later

My sis and I are going on another camping trip together, only this time we get to stay in a cabin. I guess it's not really camping if you're in a cabin, but I'm not going to turn my nose up at  flush toilets and showers and an actual bed to sleep in.

Our husbands are being dragged along in case we need them for something going, but will likely stay in the cabin and watch T.V. while sis and I hike and get all outdoorsy. Which is fine because hiking isn't much fun when your companion keeps referring to it as "The Death March."

It occurred to me recently that I never told you about last year's Sister Camping Trip we took to Zion. It was just me and my sis.That was the trip right after I fractured my spine (which I didn't know I did or I probably wouldn't have gone hiking) and when I got back it was really painful to sit at my computer and write so I didn't blog for a while.

Anyhoo, thought I'd catch you up and tell you about it today. I made a few notes while on the trip, so that I would remember everything to blog about...but damned if I can't read half of them! Note to self: Put notes in my phone next time.

We left on a Friday afternoon, right after I got off work. That morning, I bent down to tie my shoe and felt this weird shifting feeling in my back, like a collapsing, and this sharp pain that went from my chest through to my back. It was the weirdest thing and I almost went to urgent care over it, but I didn't want anything to interfere with our trip. I had some back pain the rest of the day, but it was bearable, so I figured I would see the doc when I got back.

I picked up my sis and we started loading her stuff in my truck. The bickering started immediately over where we should put the ice chest:

Sis: Let's put it in last.
Me: No, let's put it in first because we're just going to leave it in the truck anyway. That way we can get all our stuff out without taking the ice chest out.
Sis: You're too bossy. I'm putting it in last.
Me: You brought too much stuff.
Sis: Well you're going to ask to use all my stuff, so good thing I'm bringing it.
Me: When do I use your stuff?
Sis: You always use my stuff.
Me: Whatever. I forgot chapstick. Did you bring chapstick?

We finally got loaded and on the road. It was less than 3 hours away to Zion and we got there before dark.

We stayed in Springdale, a quaint little town outside of Zion National Park that we've been to many times before. It's a juxtaposition of cowboys, vegans, Christians, and New Agers, all united by their love of nature. You hear a dozen different languages and accents around you everywhere you go and everyone is exuberant from their day's adventures in the Park.

Springdale Utah (I didn't have a good pic, so snagged this here)

We wanted to save money so decided to pitch tent a tent at an RV/tent park, and eat our meals in town to simplify things. We didn't want to mess with bringing a bunch of food and cooking gear for just the two of us.

Apparently, before dinner, sis and I had a conversation about "the new fat." It must have been noteworthy, because...well...I made a note of it. No specifics, just a note that says "Before Oscars, our convo about "the new fat."

What the hell was I talking about? Now, a year later, I have absolutely no idea. I do remember we ate at Oscar's Cafe though. It's a unique little place where we dined on pesto quesadillas with pistachios and ice cold Coronas.

Oscar's Cafe in Springdale, Utah (Snagged from their website)
That night we drank wine by our campfire and listened to the sounds of the crickets and the Virgin river.

Then I was introduced to the Pee Can. 

My sister has a coffee can - a regular, 1 lb size coffee can - that she keeps in her tent at night to pee in. Since we were sharing a tent, I had the pleasure of waking up to the sound of rushing water that WAS NOT the Virgin river. It was coming from my very un-virgin sister.

She justifies this tactic by telling me she puts the can outside the tent after she pees in it. But I don't care where the can is AFTER she pees in it, I care that it's right up by my head WHILE she's peeing in it. What about the splash factor? I mean it's a tiny little can, for crying out loud!

So the next morning, I go out to the truck to get the camp stove and coffee pot to make our morning coffee. I grab the can of coffee off the table.

It sloshes.

Coffee grounds don't slosh.

SHE PUT HER PEE CAN ON THE PICNIC TABLE!  WHO DOES THAT, I ASK YOU??

After more bickering about the Pee Can and eventually agreeing to disagree, we ate our leftover quesadillas for breakfast and headed into Zion Park for a hike.

My back was still hurting, so we did an easy hike called the Watchman's Trail. The sun was on us the whole time, so we stopped and rested often. We saw one of these on the way up:


Remember the three stooges? Larry sees a toupee and says, "Ooooh, a tarantula!" I can't help it. I say it to myself everytime I see one (tarantulas, not toupees), which fortunately isn't often. On both counts.

We also saw scenes like this:


And this:


Then we had some of these and hiked back down:


Here we are at the end of the hike:


Not long after that, we were doing this:


Resting felt good, but it was too warm in the tent to nap, so we decided to put our chairs in the river and sit and read. We walked down the slope to the riverbank with chairs, books, and wine spritzers in hand and plopped our chairs in a shady spot in the water.

This looks like a good spot.


Don't let my sister's coffee mug fool you. It's a wine spritzer.

Ahhhh. Delicious wine spritzer, cool water, good book, great view...what more could you ask?

How about for the sun to stop moving? I had to reposition my chair about 6 times because I kept losing my shade. My sister was getting annoyed:

Me: I'm hot.
Sis: Again?
Me: I'm in the sun.
Sis: Well, move then.
Me: I just moved.
Sis: Then get in the water.
Me: I'll just splash some on me.
Sis: You do that.
Me: I can't wait till you go through menopause.
Sis: I won't be as bad as you.
Me: Yes you will.
Sis: I could never be as bad as you.
Me: I'm making note of those words to taunt you with later.
Sis: I know you are.

We watched this little guy for a while:

"Quite your bickering and throw me some of your trail mix, you plump menopausal psychos!"

After a few hours of bickering relaxing in the water, we got ready for dinner. We ate on the patio of a little restaurant called The Spotted Dog. We had fish and a bottle of wine (can't remember what kind of either one) and both were fantastic.

Spotted Dog Cafe. Springdale, Utah. (Photo from their website)
The town of Springdale is lovely in the evening:


We walked to a nearby ice cream shop then back to our camp for a shower (Hallelujah, our campground had showers!) and another evening by the fire. Due to the hiking and walking around town, my fractured back hurt horribly that night, but was better the next morning after I was up and around a bit.

For Sunday's festivities, we decided to take a drive instead of another hike. We drove a Scenic route called Kolob Canyon Road. It was a gorgeous drive:

One of the views from Kolob Canyon Road in Utah


Don't the clouds look magnificent?
The drive reminded me of a quote from The Lord Of The Rings:

Kolob Canyon Road, Utah
At the end of the drive was a lake, where we ate lunch and stayed for a while:

Isn't this just the prettiest spot?


Those clouds again. They make everything so dramatic looking.

Then of course, the Pee Can had to make another appearance. We were sitting on the back of my Tahoe eating lunch and my sister says she has to pee.

Sis: I have to pee.
Me: Me too. Let's find a bathroom.
Sis: They're probly real dirty. I have my Pee Can.
Me: Seriously? You brought your Pee Can?
Sis: Yeah, I didn't know if there would be bathrooms.
Me: Why don't we look for a bathroom first?
Sis: No, I like my can.
Me: You like your can.
Sis: Yes, I'm going in the back seat to pee.
Me: Great. I'll just sit here and finish my lunch while you pee 5 feet away from me.
Sis: (While peeing) Are you going to put this in your blog?
Me: Hell yes.

That night we ate at the Zion Pizza and Noodle Co. Another restaurant with a fun atmosphere and great food. At first we sat at a table way in the back where it was stifling hot. There were other diners all around us that didn't seem to have a problem with the heat, but after 10 minutes, I couldn't handle it. I told my sister we had to move because it was just too hot. She rolled her eyes at me, but helped me pick up our drinks and silverware and move to another table in the front where there was more airflow.

Can you believe I got the eyeroll?



I seriously cannot wait until she goes through menopause.

After dinner we took the shuttle into Zion to see it at dusk. We rode around the whole loop, enjoying the scenery and wildlife. It was a good time to see deer. Unfortunately, I didn't get very good pictures but it was lovely. 

Back at camp, we had another evening drinking wine by the campfire. We resolved to lose weight, take better care of our health, and hike the narrows next year. The narrows is a stream that runs through Zion and you are basically hiking in the water and over rocks. It's supposed to be moderately strenuous, but a gorgeous view.

It may have been the wine talking.

I have this scribble in my Zion trip notes that I can't read and have no idea what it means:


Sorry it's sideways. I loaded it the right way, flipped it, reloaded it, and it just stays sideways. Anyway, it apparently was some thought I had the morning we drove home. It looks to be something about coffee. Oh well, couldn't have been too profound. Again... next time the notes go into my phone. Also, I won't wait a year to write about it so maybe I'll remember.

Despite my fractured back, my sis and I had a great time. Despite the bickering, we resolved (probably over wine) that we would do a Sister's Trip at least once a year. This year it's a cabin in Brianhead and next year it's the Grand Canyon.

I'm sure the Pee Can will come along too.

Hotly yours,

Lori

Thursday, August 14, 2014

I Be Fraggin'

It's Friday Frag time and I love it because it marks the start of the weekend!

May the happy dances ensue!


Thanks to Mrs. 444 at Half Past Kissin Time for hosting this every week. Muah!

Here's my bits and frags for this week:

Frag #1
Robin Williams. Like the rest of the world, I was stunned to hear of his death. He was a talented, funny, brilliant, caring soul who will be so, so missed. He made so many people laugh while he suffered on the inside from depression and battles with addiction.

He was quoted from an interview he gave in 2006, after he relapsed following 20 years of sobriety. He was asked what made him fall off the wagon. He said,
"It's addiction - not caused by anything, it's just there. It waits. It lays in wait for the time when you think, 'it's fine now. I'm OK.' Then, the next thing you know, it's not OK. Then you realize, 'Where am I? I didn't realize I was in Cleveland."
My daughter had told me early on in her recovery that addiction is always in the back of your mind, doing push-ups. Waiting for the chance to take over again.

Imagine living like that every. single. day. It must be exhausting. I'm inspired by those that have the fortitude to continually fight that battle. Even though Robin grew too weary to continue, he will be remembered for the joy and inspiration he brought to the world while he was in it. May he have peace.

Robin Williams 1951 - 2014
Image Source
Frag #2
On a positive note, and a little related to the above...I read a quote that I love from a blogger who writes the blog Grease and Glamour. She gave up her job and possessions to just travel and have adventures. She writes about the things she's learned while on the road, and how she appreciates the little things in life more now. She says,
"No matter where you are, watching the sunrise forces you to be in the present moment – your mind isn’t bothered by thoughts of the past or the future. The world speaks to your soul through your eyes, and it costs you absolutely nothing. And you know what they say – the best things in life are free."
I just love that. I'm trying to appreciate moments. Instead of trying hard to have a good day,  I'm shooting for good moments. Or better, I'm trying to recognize a good moment and just sit and enjoy it a bit. If I'm not careful, they pass me by completely because I'm focused on something else. Something bigger, like finishing a task at work, or thinking about what I need to do when I get home, or that chin hair I need to pluck. Good moments. That's my goal.

Frag#3
It was hubby's birthday last week, so the doggies all were chased down and forced dressed up for the occasion:
Don't they all look thrilled?
It was totally worth the chase up the stairs and 20 minutes of coaxing them out from under the bed. After I got the pictures, I brought the birthday hats out for the humans to wear, and the traumatized dogs all scattered and hid. Can't imagine why.

Frag #4
I've mentioned that my daughter, Sissa, is backpacking through Kauai. I finally wrote a post about it, complete with pictures, if you want to check it out here. It's terrifying amazing what you learn about your kids from their Instagram.

Just yesterday she kayaked out from the isolated beach she's been living on, so she'll be in an area with phone reception for a couple weeks. I'm so happy to be able to text and call her! She sent this gorgeous shot of Kalalau, where she's been staying. This is from the beach, looking out to the mountains:

I swear I didn't color boost this picture. This is real, baby!

Frag #4
Lastly, here's a comic I made a while back that I don't think I shared with you. If you're reading this from a reader (cough, Feedly, cough) and there is no comic here, you'll have to click to go to my blog and read it. Feedly strips out the html so it won't show. I'm not sure how it looks in other readers. But anyway, here it is:


That's it for my frags this week. Hope you have many happy moments this weekend.

Momentarily yours,
Lori

Half-Past Kissin' Time

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