Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Dressing Rooms Are Scary

Today I'm sharing an older post about the time I went clothes shopping on Halloween and had to contend with scary dressing room lighting, getting stuck in a pencil skirt, and forgetting to wear my spanx. 

It was a frightening ordeal, but I learned a few things about feeling good about myself no matter what size I am. Hope you'll read it! 

Linking up with Natasha at Epic Mommy Adventures for Turn It Up Tuesday. Click the link below to read the post. 

What about you? Are you afraid of dressing rooms?



Sunday, October 26, 2014

22 Girl's Trip Do's and Don'ts You Probably Haven't Heard Of

A few weeks ago, my sister and I went to Brianhead, Utah on our second annual Sister's Trip. Instead of a narrative of our shenanigans, I thought a road trip Do's and Don'ts list would be both amusing and helpful. I'm considerate like that.

I learned some important traveling tips when on a road trip with my sister.
©Depositphotos.com/Goodluz

DO offer to drive if you are taking the other traveler's car. We were taking my sister's car so I drove on the way up.

DON'T start bickering about the temperature in the car on the way to the gas station before you've even left town. Unless one of you is menopausal, in which case it's perfectly acceptable for that one to declare it "too stinkin' hot" and turn the temperature setting all the way to the cold side and the blow factor (giggity) to at least 3. The non-menopausal one should just shut up and put on her jacket.

DON'T accuse the menopausal person of being "Evil Twin Car Lori" and state vehemently several times during the course of the trip that you can't wait to get to your destination so that the evil twin will disappear and "Pain-in-the-ass-but-pleasant-enough Lori" returns. This is counter productive when dealing with a hot and irritable menopausal person.

DO remind the non-menopausal person that very soon, she will experience the same hell and when that happens, been-there-done-that menopausal person is going to gloat like a motha'.


DO ignore it when your passenger tells you to slow down because the roads are wet, or to change lanes to pass someone, or that the lane is ending and you have to get over. She is trying to be helpful and doesn't realize she's really annoying the crap out of you. Also ignore it every time she checks her airbag light to make sure it's working just because you stopped short once when a semi cut you off. because you didn't listen to her when she told you the lane was ending.

DO make sure you understand the definition of a "flight" of stairs so that when the owner of the condo you are renting says it's "three flights up," you know what you're in for. When you have stairs, then a landing, then stairs, then a landing...6 times...that's 6 flights of stairs, not 3. 4 trips hauling crap up from the car and back totals 48 flights of stairs. Factor in the higher elevation and you got yourselves 2 of these:


DON'T bring more crap than you need. See above.

DO bring a couple chick flicks and a shitload an appropriate amount of alcohol. You will need a way to spend your evenings. Margaritas and whiskey are good choices. After finishing the margaritas and starting on the whiskey, one of you should declare herself the "Fire Queen" and slur at tell the other to rip up magazines for kindling. When she gets the fire roaring, Fire Queen shout shout, "Blog this, bitch!" and high five the other one. Both should laugh uncontrollably.

DO text your husbands (who are at home taking care of the dogs and kids while you are partying) so that they know you are both safe and not getting into any trouble. Something like this is appropriate and will put their minds at ease that you are safe:

Drunk text to husbands.
Note: Tequila does not improve grammar.

DO take selfies of yourselves to remember the fun you're having and the fact you both brought the exact same pajamas. Just know your picture taking skills will be impaired due to the tequila and whiskey.

...Nor does it improve picture taking skills

DON'T mix your liquor ever. ever. again. In retrospect, finishing the tequila and starting on the whiskey was not a good idea.

DO take a picture of your companion with her head over the toilet so you can show her in the morning and laugh at it. If you are the one in the picture, DON'T post it on your blog. No one wants to see that.

If you are not the one with her head over the toilet, DO clip your companion's hair back so she doesn't puke on it. It's the social convention.

DO take in the local scenery and go hiking during the day. You will need to burn off the calories from the alcohol.

Hiking while on a girl's trip in Brianhead Utah
Oh, we were serious, with our hiking sticks and all.

DO get clear directions from the locals to find the hikes. Ask more than one local because you may not get the right directions the first time and end up doubling back a few times. The 2 hour hike might turn into a 4 and a half hour death march hike. Nevertheless, enjoy the scenery along the way.

Beauty is all around when you're hiking
There were hints of fall color in the foliage everywhere.


Hiking in Utah we saw beautiful Aspen trees and fall colors
The aspens were beautiful. All lined up like soldiers.

View from our condo in Brianhead utah
This is the view from our balcony.

DON'T believe the locals (who likely all drive pick-ups with 4-wheel drive) when they tell you "Oh, your car will make it just fine on that road." You may find yourself driving along ATV paths that couldn't possibly have been meant for automobiles, scared shitless to keep driving forward, but even more scared to turn around and go back because it would mean driving back over the treacherous road you were just on.

DO be as comforting as you can when your companion, whose car is not yet a year old, begins to have a mini freak out over the road conditions and the fact that you may be lost. Be understanding when, on top of it all, it begins to hail and she yells, "Are you KIDDING me?!" 


DO appreciate the beauty of where you are. When you're in a place called the Twisted Forest, among Bristlecone Pine trees that are the oldest living organisms on the planet and date back as far as 5000 years, be sure and take a selfie. Oh, and pictures of the trees too.

Bristlecone Pines as old as 5000 years in Twisted Forest
They look old, don't they?

Me and my sis.

DON'T be in such a hurry to drive home, that you forget to stop at the scenic overlooks along the way. You might miss something spectacular.

Scenic Overlook at Cedar Breaks Utah
Cedar Breaks, Utah

Beautiful Cedar Breaks Utah
Another overlook at Cedar Breaks

DON'T point out signs you see when browsing through roadside gift shops, that you think apply to your menopausal companion. Again...counterproductive.

No Whining sign at Cracker Barrel in Utah
My sis got a good laugh over this.

DO take road trips often and to places you haven't seen before.

To travel is to take a journey into yourself

Journeying through Menopause,
Lori

Linking up to Natasha's Wake Up Wednesday Link party over at Epic Mommy Adventures. Go visit her and link up your post too! 

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Friday Fragments that are just really all over the place

If I were a dog, this is what Fridays would feel like:


If I had big ears and jowls, they'd be just a flappin' away. Fortunately, I don't. Yet.

Anyhoo, Friday means it's time to link up to Mrs. 4444's Friday Fragments and post the silly little bits and pieces from the week. I only have a few this week due to the fact I am just dang tired and need to get off the computer and go to bed early on this Thursday night.

Who am I kidding? My Friday nights are really no different.

Frag #1
I'm so excited because my daughter, Sissa, who has been off having naked adventures in Hawaii for the last 9 months, is coming home on Saturday! We've all missed her so much and I can't wait to see her and hear all about her life-changing experiences and live vicariously through her.

Frag #2
My younger daughter, The Girl (that nickname just stuck from way back when we watched The Simpsons), went with her church to a mission in Mexico last week. They preached in a sort of homeless camp called Tent City which is in the desert next to a dump. I suppose it's not really a homeless camp, because for the people that live there, it is their home.

The people there are so poor they live on about $3.00 a week. They give birth there and their kids are raised there and that's the only life the kids know. The missionaries preach to them and give them hope, but they also bring them blankets and other supplies to help them out. It was an eye-opening experience for her and she wants to go back again.

It warmed my heart to watch her speak at her church about the experience. Just a couple years ago, she was in much the same situation as many of those people she preached to - homeless, addicted, lost. It was her found faith that turned her around. Well...jail helped...but she needed something to hang onto to keep her clean after that and fear of jail wasn't enough to do it. But faith was.

I'm just very proud of her for how far she's come.

Frag #3
I wrote a post about Pinterest successes and failures for Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop and made a lovely image to put on Pinterest about some Thanksgiving ornaments I made with The Girl, out of artificial leaves.

Only I spelled it "artifical."

Fical, as in fecal.

As in poo.

Yes, I put on Pinterest that my ornaments were made of poo. Perfect. The post wasn't live too long before I caught my typo and made a new image and fixed it.

Oh, and here's a pic of the Thanksgiving tree The Girl and I made together last weekend. Oddly, and related to my poo debacle (defecal?), she thought the long, narrow, brown pinecone ornaments looked like poo.

This is why my husband calls me and all of his in-laws "The Fecalsons". Somehow, we always manage to talk about poo.

Anyway, here's the tree:

Make a Thanksgiving Tree from leaf garland, ribbon, and leaf stems
Our Thanksgiving Tree!

Frag #4
Lastly, I had fun this week participating in Blogtober week with the SITS Girls. It was a social media link up party and they focused on a different social media platform each day. They covered Instagram, Google+, Pinterest, Twitter, and tomorrow is Facebook.

They give tips on how to use all the different platforms then everybody links up their profiles and follows everybody else. It was fun to find new bloggers to read and follow and I learned a lot of great tips for using all of these mediums to promote my writing and my blog.

Speaking of social media parties, there's one on Saturday nights that's fun too. It's hosted by Epic Mommy Adventures and you can link up all your profiles and follow other people and all their profiles. It's a lot of fun and I just realized how it sounds like I have no life if I'm sitting on my computer on Saturday night. But there you have it. That's my life.

That's it for my frags this week. I wish everyone a great weekend!

Pooped,
Lori

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